COOKERY MOCKERY !!!!!

Remember, i said last week that i was going to stay alone and for the first time i was going to try my hands on cooking (oh yeah that leaves maggi ofcourse ) .Now that the not so adventurous day is over , i am going to write about it here today .

No suspenses !!! No guesses !! . The title of the post actually says it all .

So the day started at around 10 which was quite early considering the fact that i normally get up after 12 PM . So i went to kitchen looked around and found some things kept separately. Thanks to mom ,she knew it would take a week for me to identify the things required to cook . Before I began my cooking adventure (which was not that adventurous ofcourse ) , i would make it clear that all i wanted to cook was RICE and DAl , probably the easiest of all:P . Cooking rice was a piece of cake actually . Only regret was that i was too excited to check if it was cooked properly .

The real problem came with dal ( chane ki daal ) . I found it raw in a small box and wondered how to start..i knew it we have to put water and put in cooker with it ..but how long . .?? and what after that ??? I knew mom told me something about it but couldn’t actually remember it

i looked up at the ceiling scratching my chin and started to recollect my conversation..

MOM- Come with me , I will tell u how to cook daal.

Me(playing counter strike ) – Later mom . This is important those damn guys are killing me . I have to pay them back.

MOM – Later !!! U forgot that i am going to leave in about half an hours time .

ME - Oh .umm ..ok tell me ..I can hear it while playing .

MOM - “………………………….”

ME (jumping off my seat) - Yeppi !!! .I Finally killed a terrorist !!!!

MOM – Oh great.. Anyway are u clear ??? . Can u make it tomorrow ???

ME – Ya Ya .I can manage . Let me play now !!

DAD ( smiling his way into the room ) – Are u sure u want to cook ??? why dont u eat out like always ?? . I would hate to see u suffer from food poisoning .

ME – Grrrrrr……….

So now whole world was rotating around me . I don’t know what to do with the dal. I realised like always i have been really inattentive exactly when my mom was telling me the details . I finally sat in the hall and switched on the TV . Suddenly Jumping with excitement and praising myself i satin front of my PC . I finally had a way out. Opened a free sms site and sent a message to a dear freind of mine who lives in kolkatta .She always used to tell me how great cook she is ?? So thought of taking her help . She came online in about 10 minutes .

She : Kya hua !!

Me : Mujhe pakana hai Daal !! kaise pakate hai bata !!!

She : oh, Sun pehle dal ko cooker mein paka

Me : arre meine cooker mein rakha tha..3 vissil ke baat dekha paka hi nahi hai kya karoon

She : ok to 2 vissil aur laga . fir ek kadai le aur usme oil daal aur jab dhuaan aaye usme jira , mirch ,namak aur thoda shakkar daal diyo . aur oil ko jyaada mat jalne de.

Me : Arre lekin yahan 2 tel hai kaunsa use karoon .

She : jo cooking oil hai woh

Me : Acha , kaunsa cooking oil hai

She : ek hoga til ka tel woh mat use kar doosra wala jo dikhne mein white hoga woh use kar

Me : ok daal diya ab .

She : jira mirchi daal aur sun puri baat sunke jaa nahi toh sab jal jayega .. aur fir thoda garam masala aur tmatar bhi ..

ME : ab mein garam masala kahan se doondo mummy shayad bahar rakhna bhool gayi

She : acha chod jo hai woh toh daal ..aur sun..

before she could complete the sentence, i went to kitchen and came back after a minute or so

ME : arre daala .par jeera daalte hi kaala hogaya ..i think woh jal gaya hai ..meine usime namak mirchi sab daal diya

She : uff … bola tha tujhe sunke jaa ..

ME : acha chod aage ya karoon

She : ab daal ko tel me daal aur thoda sa pani dal ke paka fir se .

I was too brave to transfer the contents with my bare hands .. Result : it was so hot that i dropped it on the floor spilling half of the content. Then I realized that i should have started with some more of it to compensate for these type of losses .Now the dal looked really less for me . But i was happy of the fact that it was finally going to be ready in a minute .

I was really hungry now so switched off the gas . After about 30 minutes i had a plate full of Uncooked rice ,a daal that only looked like a daal and some potato chips on my plate . Yummy !!! potato chips are my favorite . Well ,what followed was 15 minutes of unbearable penance and it was hard to accept that i hardly ate swallowed about 5 spoons of it . I tried to eat more but couldn’t , i had to surrender. I took the food and threw outside thinking atleast street dogs would savor my unique cuisine .

I could hear my stomach making sounds asking for something edible but i had none . My worst fears were going to come true .

Me : Oh no ! Not maggi .. I will cook anything but maggi

MY AE (Alter Ego) : Oh yeah .So what do u wish to cook MR Chef ??

Me : umm well dunno . But i will make a way out for us . dont u worry !!

MY AE : Its already 2:30 . just because u play the stupid game till 3 morning and watch ur own ass getting kicked i had to miss my breakfast .I dont wish to miss my lunch too .

Me : Oh . i am noob i know it ,but its just a matter of time before i become a pro in the game so u can stop nagging me and about the food , i think we can go to a good restraunt and have food . Brilliant idea . Isn’t it ??

MY AE : The idea sucks dude. there’s no time and energy left in u to reach the place. U might well end up in a hospital bed taking glucose .

Me : so what do u want me ot do ??

MY AE : Cook what u are best at .

Me : What about my Oath ??? .I promised not to eat maggi atleast today!!!

MY AE : As usual, break it . I wont tell anybody ,just between u and me ..howz the deal ???

Me ( moving towards kitchen ) : yeah right !! i guess thats the only option .

ME AE *beaming with a victory*

Man proposes god disposes . Thats what exactly happened here . .Well my cooking adventure ends here but i guess i wont stop with it I will try it again . Perhaps next time it would be a little better and yeah next time i am going to give some respect to the kitchen and try not to make a mess out of it . Last but not the least I assure u i wont eat maggi next time . Its a Promise !!!

let me leave u with calvin now . Chao !!

Click the image to open a bigger Pic

Calvin- The cook